My worst day ever!
My presentation
W.A.L.T make improvements to my writing and present it to an audience.
It was a normal bright and sunny day in June 17. I was just walking along the path looking for some food to eat by the lake. I’m going to eat some grass just on the path.
I saw some lions coming towards me ‘oh no’ where is my dad, I was so horrified I was trying to sprint as quickly as I could away from the pride of lions.
‘Oh no’ they captured me the pride of lions pull me into the water. A crocodile came and they had a tug of war. They were pulling me everywhere, but finally they stopped and the lions won. They pulled very hard on me.
The lions were so happy, but not for long because the buffalos came back. The buffalos came and scared the lions away so I could be with my family again.
So now the battle has ended I feel so thrilled and relieved that I am back with my family again.
By Genica
Good job Genica. I like how you wrote I was sprinting as fast as I can.
ReplyDeleteI think you should write more exciting words in your story.
Good job Genica I like how you said it was a normal bright sunny day it is nice and clear. I think you should put more exiting words in you story.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this Genica I really enjoyed reading your recount. I really like your ending and you have used great language to describe your personal feeling 'I feel so thrilled and relieved.' This makes your writing more interesting and entertaining for the audience. I would like to see more juicy descriptive words in your writing.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to reading more of your writing.